She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26
Dear Believer,
Remember that old children’s rhyme: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? I remember kids would throw that rhyme around on the playground after being teased and insulted. I may have used it myself a time or two. But, it was only a child’s way of deflecting the reality that words do hurt. Not only can they hurt, but the Bible tells us they have the power of life and death.
Words have the power to uplift, encourage, praise
Words have the power to influence, persuade, manipulate
Words have the power to heal or to hurt, to bless or to curse.
No wonder James spends a whole chapter warning about the tongue. And, verses regarding tongue, mouth, lips, and words are seen over 170 times in Scripture! Author Sharon Jaynes, shares an example that illustrates the effect of words in her book, The Power of A Woman’s Words:
A woman, desiring to change her ways and years of malicious gossip, went to local priest, confessed and asked, “What can I do to rectify all the damage I have caused with my gossip?”
He says, “ Gather a bag of feathers and go around to each house and place a feather at their door.” Easy enough, so the woman did as the priest said. And when she was done, she returned, “I have done what you instructed, now what I do?”
“Now go and retrieve all the feathers,” Responded the priest.
“But that’s impossible! By now the wind would have blown them all over town.”
“Exactly”, replied the priest. “Once you have spoken an ill word, it drifts through the air on wings of gossip, never to be retrieved. God has forgiven you, but I cannot remove the consequences of your hurtful words or gather them from the places they have landed.” 1
That is NOT the type of person God wants us to be. We desire to give words that are “Pleasant like the Honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” Prov. 16:24. We desire to be like the Proverbs 31 woman of virtue, who, “spoke with wisdom and who had instruction on her tongue.” Yet, it takes effort, and discipline, practice, and divine help to control our tongue and use it in God-honoring ways.
How are we to do this? Scripture has a lot to say. So, let’s dig in.
1.Examine your heart. The Bible tells us “out of the abundance [overflow] of the heart, the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45)”. So, we must take spiritual inventory of the health of our heart. Are your words angry, annoyed, or discontent about something or someone? Do you find yourself complaining, whining, or grumbling? Listen to the evidence. The sound of your words. Look for the fruit of your words. How is your tone when you speak to your spouse or your children? Those around you? Ephesians 4.29 tells us, “Do not let ANY unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but ONLY what is helpful for building others up according to THEIR needs, that it may BENEFIT those who listen”.
Unwholesome: not characterized by or conducive to health or moral well-being; to cause decay or rot
Wholesome: beneficial, strengthening, sustaining, nourishing, edifying, uplifting, virtuous and good
We all fall short at times. So we must go to God in prayer and confess. He has given us the power to die to the desires of our flesh, and given us the power to live in all godliness. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him you called us to his own glory and excellence,” 2 Peter 1:3. Further, James tells us to ask God for wisdom, even in using our words. If anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given…” (James 1:5).
2.Submit your tongue/speech to God. Romans tells us we are to offer the parts of [our bodies] to God as “instruments of righteousness” as “those who have been brought from death to life” and as “living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship” Rom. 6:13,12:1.
Our bodies, every part, every member, are to be life-giving, sacrificial instruments of worship. Our tongues and words are to be life-giving, sacrificial instruments of worship. ARE OUR WORDS WORSHIPFUL? Are we worshipping God with the conversations we are having? Submitting our speech to God and relying on His Holy Spirit will ensure our words are words of blessing, healing, wisdom, life, and love. Wholesome and worshipful.
3.Practice Daily. Living with an athlete gives me a clear view of daily practice and discipline as essential for growth and improvement. My son does cross-country and track. These kids practice Monday through Friday, with meets on Saturdays. Vacation from school does not mean vacation from practice. Even in summer when there are no races, they practice to “condition”- to maintain their bodies and muscles in working order. Rain or shine. Stretching, flexibility exercises, proper running gear, and nutrition are all part of the training program. This is to ensure injury prevention, muscle memory, and endurance. And the thing I especially admire about this sport is the “PR”- the Personal Record. You are not so much competing against the guy next to you as you are competing against yourself. The goal is, “Did I do better than I did the last race?” Or, “If the goal is this time in this distance, how much closer am I to the goal this time, compared to last time?” if you practice as you should, every race you should see improved time. Similarly, our goal is heavenly. Our goal is godliness. Christlikeness. Although we never attain that goal this side of heaven, we are to improve with every trial, every opportunity, every race. We should look back at our past experiences and see improvement. Of course, this takes practice, practice, practice. And with anything that needs improvement, there is to be a plumb line, a measuring stick. For us, it is the Word of God. We are to read, study it, meditate on it, pray it, and do it! Reading about being a great runner is not going to make you a great runner. You have to get out there and do it. Hebrews tells us that growth and maturity are “for those who have their powers of discernment TRAINED by CONSTANT PRACTICE to distinguish good from evil”(5:14)- wholesome from unwholesome. For the words of our mouth and the meditation of hearts to be pleasing to our God, our Rock, and our Redeemer., they must be filtered through God’s standard. We cannot just read about being a good disciple of Christ. We must get out there, and do it! Again, Sharon Jaynes book, The Power of a Woman’s Words has this helpful example of using Scripture:
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of all peace will be with you.
Before words come out of our mouths, consider,
-Are they true? Is this a fact? Is it accurate? Do these words fit with God’s view of his creation?
-Are they noble? Do these words show high moral principles? Are they befitting a child of the King of Kings?
-Are they right? Not only are they accurate, but are they appropriate for the time or place
-Are they pure? What are my motives for saying it? Are they selfish motives or Christlike
-Are they lovely? Are they sweet, or kind? Are they loving and beautiful? Do they inspire morally or spiritually attractive, gracious thoughts or behaviors
-Are they admirable? Are these words respectful and honorable? Do they cause one to see others positively
-Are they excellent? Are they of exceptionally good quality? Would God approve them as excellent
-Are they praiseworthy? Will this conversation cause the hearer to praise God and His works? 2
We will by no means be experts in godly speaking overnight. And this is why Paul says, put it into PRACTICE. Yes, it is hard work. But He finishes with the result- the God of all peace will be with you. Being a life-giver, a wise speaker, and a healer with our words is not only beneficial for others but grants us the presence of God and his peace that surpasses all understanding. Isn’t that worth it?
The Lord be with you,
Bianca
Loved reading this Bianca! We just started a new study with the boys called Fruit of the Tongue… as you know the boys (and me) need a lot of practice on our words ! Thank you for this blog post!