Dear Believer,

The world is full of hurt, pain, and disappointment to be sure. Everyone has been hurt, misunderstood, or in conflict with someone at some point. Being hurt is an inescapable part of life because of sin and its consequences. As a Believer, however, we are called to handle life’s hurts differently than the world’s way. The Bible in all its wisdom gives us a clear path in dealing with life’s hardships and conflicts.

1. Pray. This goes without saying. But it is tempting to skip over this crucial first step. We must go to the Lord and seek His counsel first and foremost. Many times, when we are hurt, we react rather than respond. Going to the Lord first allows us time to process as well as gives us the opportunity to express our emotions to Him.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matt. 6:33

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14–15

2. Ready your toolbox. After you have sought God in prayer and asked for His will, we are to hear what He has to say about the situation at hand. Using your Bible’s cross-references and concordance can be a great way to look up Scripture references on the topic. Write them out, study them, and best of all, memorize them. Studying and meditating on what God has to say prepares your mind and heart to respond in a way that honors God.

3. Pray. Pray over the verses and Scripture you have found to align your will to His. Pray His word back to Him. Pray for the situation and those involved.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6:17–18

4. Seek Godly counsel. Seeking those that are mature and grounded in the Word can offer wisdom, guidance, prayer, and accountability to the situation you are in. Godly counsel and mentors will always refer to and support their guidance with Scripture.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 11:14, 15:22

5. Pray. Pray with those that are giving you counsel. Receive the support and wisdom of a mature believer.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16

6. Write it out. Sometimes it is helpful to write out the kind of response we are to give. Whether in letter form, outline, or just jotted down on a sheet of paper, seeing the words written down may help evaluate the content of your words and motives. Are your words true? Necessary? Respectful? Loving?

7. Pray. Again, pray over the confrontation or discussion. Pray that God’s guidance and peace be with you. Pray for the person(s)’s heart to be willing to engage in an understanding and open manner. Pray for open and honest communication resulting in reconciliation. Pray that the situation is pleasing and honoring to the Lord.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6-7

8. Respond in truth and love. You have prepared yourself with prayer, the Sword of the Spirit, counsel, and wisdom. The Holy Spirit will give you the power to respond in a godly way regardless of the outcome.

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Eph. 4:15
These are the things that you shall do: speak the truth to one another, render in your gates judgments that are true, and make for peace. Zech. 8:16

9. Pray. Thank God for His presence and wisdom, regardless of the outcome. If there was reconciliation, praise Him for gaining a brother or sister. If not, continue to pray for His grace and love for those involved. Continue in His patience, walking in love and forgiveness, as we are called.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

10. Continue to act in faith and thanksgiving to God for the results. Remembering that God sets forth all things according to the counsel of His will and His good purpose, we are to continue to obey His commands and walk in His ways. We may not always understand the way God works, but we do know that He works all things according to His good purpose. We must focus and trust in His sovereignty and offer praise and thanksgiving. If the conflict results in reconciliation, peace, and growth on both sides of the conflict… praise the Lord! But if not, we can still praise the Lord for the mighty work He is doing in our life. The refining, the stretching, and the growing to make us more like Jesus is ALWAYS a reason to praise the Lord. The process of conforming to the image of Christ is always a reason to find joy in the trials and hardships, as James records. Let it not discourage you, dear Believer, if the situation seems unfinished or messy. We are to obey and leave the rest to the Lord. We cannot possibly see all He is doing around us. But you and I must rest assured that He will not leave any loose ends.
`
May the LORD be with you,
Bianca