Changed behavior vs. heart change

Our children are flooded by ideas that are contrary to the Bible. One of the ideas that they hear plenty of is the idea that listening to our hearts and feelings will produce happiness for them. The popular idea of the heart is very different from God’s view of the heart. While society has slogans like, ‘Follow your heart’, ‘Trust in yourself’, ‘Do what you feel is right in your heart’, Scripture says something quite different. 

“…out of men’s hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All of these evils come from inside and make a man unclean.”

Mark 7:21-22

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” 

Proverbs 4:23

The heart is the control center for life. It determines behavior and what we say and do express the orientation of our heart.  It is the ‘wellspring’ of our life. A wellspring is an original and bountiful source of something. It is the beginning, the head of what will spring forward. In order to truly have changed behavior in our children, it begins in the heart. The Bible calls behavior change without heart change, hypocrisy. As much as we may want to see our child’s behavior change, it must be a change from within. We don’t want to raise Pharisees, but true disciples of the Lord Jesus, right? So, we must understand how our children’s straying heart has resulted in wrong behavior. How did his/her straying heart produce this behavior? In what characteristic ways has my child’s inability or refusal to know, trust and obey God, result in speech and actions that are wrong?

Our concern, as parents, is to unmask our child’s sin, helping him understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed, and lead them to the cross of Christ and their need for a Savior. 

In the Bible, we can find some heart facts, right responses, and the results.  We can teach our children the truth from Scripture to nurture a softened heart. Let’s start with facts.

Fact #1: What is in our hearts comes out in our behaviors. 

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt. 6:21

Observe your children. Is their speech/behavior indicating spiritual immaturity or is there reoccurring speech and/or behavior that can indicate a deep-rooted sin problem? 

Fact #2: Our heart is untrustworthy.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick.” Jer. 17:9-10

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” Prov. 21:2

We must teach our children not to solely trust their emotions or even their own logic. We must teach them to test everything against the truth of Scripture. 

Fact #3: Only God truly knows what is in our hearts. 

You know what is in everyone’s heart. So from your home in heaven answer their prayers, according to the way they live and what is in their hearts.” 1 Kings 8:39

“So He said to them, ‘You are ones who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is prized among men is detestable before God.” Luke 16: 15

We must go to God in prayer and submit the intentions of our hearts. Pray with your children that the Holy Spirit guides them in all truth. 

Given the facts, what should our response be?

Our Response

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Prov. 3:5

“Create in me a pure heart, O God.” Ps. 51:10

“Test me, Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.” Ps. 26:2

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Ps.19:14

We must hand over our heart to the Lord. Submit it to him for cleansing, wisdom, understanding and pure motives. Pray for and with your child for these responses toward our gracious God. 

The Results

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:7

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Matt. 5:8

“Peace I leave you…Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

“My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Ps. 73:26

“I will give thanks to you, O Lord with all my heart, I will tell of your wonderful deeds.” Ps. 9:1

Aren’t these wonderful results? Seeing God, receiving peace, strength, satisfaction and gratefulness(to only name a few). These are all things each one of us needs in our life. When we teach our children the truth from Scripture, and our appropriate response, God is pleased and He blesses us. This is not a one time lesson, however. It is a long-term process we must be prepared to walk alongside our children. We must take on the role of shepherd to our children. We must shepherd their hearts until they are able to do it on their own. We must teach them about their hearts [facts] and train them from Scripture on how they can monitor and examine their hearts [response], and the wonderful consequences of doing so [result]. May God grant you His wisdom to carry on this precious task. 

The Lord be with you,  

Bianca