Moral Foundations: Having the internal character to deal with external situations properly.

A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.

C.H Spurgeon

Dear Believer,

Last time, we discussed having our children understand that they need a solid foundation to anchor their identity and purpose. In this part of the article, we will discuss the second lesson we should teach our children: moral character. Moral character is defined as “a person’s collection of moral(ethical) qualities that influence their behavior. It includes a person’s values, habits, and dispositions.” This means that a child’s external ethics, rules, and teachings given by society, family, and religion become who they are. This needs to be taught, practiced and maintained as they grow into mature adults. We all know that even though we may be grounded and stable, life delivers a host of personalities, walks of life, and scenarios to navigate. Some are wonderful and helpful, others are difficult. As adults, we’ve had the life experience to know we need to understand how to maneuver these situations and conduct ourselves appropriately. However, the Bible has so much wisdom to impart to our children (and us) in this area. In order to respond properly, our children must have internal characteristics that will help them handle whatever circumstances come their way. So how are we teaching this? It can be subjective morality or God’s standard of right and wrong. Here we will focus on the latter. Here are two things for consideration:

1. Accountability- Focus on your part

First of all, we cannot always control circumstances and surely not other people’s actions, so we begin by teaching personal accountability. This begins with the Greatest Commandment:
In Mark 12:29-31- Jesus replied, “This is the most important: ‘Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”.
As we learned from Part 1, believers are made for a purpose- to love the LORD and serve him. This love and service is shown by obedience. Which means that all we do, we do for HIM. Ephesians tells us that we are to “render service with a good will as to the LORD and not man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord”(Eph.5:5-6). Loving God and obeying his commands are the first steps to relating and interacting with those around us. Let’s take the Ten Commandments. These are the founding moral principles of
God. The first four relate to God(Spiritual Foundation, Part 1), and the latter six concern our dealings with others. What if everyone was taught to honor their parents, be faithful to their spouse, be honest, be content with what they have, don’t take what’s not yours, and not hurt anyone? What if everyone did their part? Unfortunately, we live in a sin-stained world. Our children see it and experience it and more so the older they get. Therefore, we teach them to do their part. We teach them that they do it out of love and obedience to their God. For each will be accountable to God (Rom.14:12, Heb.4:13, Matt.12:36:37). So, don’t worry about what Sally or Johnny did to you. YOU are a child of God and should respond as such, according to the standard God has given. God will reward you and bless you if do not give up. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Gal. 6:9

2. Biblical character- Living out your part
Once we have established that we can only do our part, we must teach what our part is. The Ten Commandments are the basic tenets of Christian morality. However, all of Scripture is full of ways we are to practically live out our lives as followers of Jesus. What is important to explain to our children is that they are not just “rules”. They are guiding principles given by a God who loves us so much, he wants to protect us from the harm of sin. It is for our own good. Deut. 10:12-13 tells us to “keep the statutes and commandments of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good”. Much of the crime and foolishness we see in the news and social media is a direct result of disregarding these. I know if you are reading this, it is because you love the kids in your life and want to protect them from any hurt and pain. Although some is inevitable, a lot of it can be avoided by living by godly character. And if unavoidable, will give them truths to anchor them. Here are some(not all) character traits and virtues to begin with:

*WISDOM:

“The fear of LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight…whoever finds [wisdom] finds life and obtains favor from the the LORD, but he who fails to find [wisdom] injures himself; all who hate [wisdom] love death.” Prov. 9:10,8:35

Wisdom is the key to making the right decisions in all circumstances. It is having God’s perspective and executing this knowledge through our actions. Wisdom gives our children a character that will keep them safe, and gives insight, and sound judgment in their life path. Biblical wisdom:

-Comes from God (Prov.2:6)
-Is pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. (James 3:17)
-[Makes] the best use of the time (Eph. 5:15)
-Listens to advice. (Prov.12:15)
-Keeps us safe. (Prov. 4:6, 2:12)
-Finds favor with God and others (Prov. 3:4)
-Brings healing and refreshment (Prov. 3:8)
-Bring us peace (James 3:18) …to name a few

The Book of Proverbs is a good place to start teaching the wisdom of God. From relationships to future planning, Proverbs is a treasure trove of insight to impart to our children.

*GOOD WORKS:

Eph.2:10- For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

We were made to do good. What does this entail? We are to behave in a way that is loving, respectful, kind, and helpful towards all. Not just to the nice people, but to all. What does this look like in our day to day? Titus 3:8,14 gives us a great definition: “The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people… And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.“
Doing good is doing those things that are excellent, profitable for people, seeing or looking for a need AND meeting it, and being fruitful. It can be as small as greeting people cheerfully, opening the door for someone, or helping to clean up after dinner. It can be tutoring a friend, de-escalating a conflict, or forgiving someone who has hurt you. Being fruitful in our lives and interactions are good works. “The fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”(Gal. 5:22-23).
When we teach our children to do good, which comes from a heart that is secure in their identity and purpose, their actions have the freedom to persevere regardless of the response of others. It doesn’t depend on whether it is received well or not. They just do good out of the overflow of their heart. This pleases God and blesses their relationship with others.

*Gratitude and Contentment:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thess. 5:18

Lastly, we can’t always get what we want. That is something our children eventually learn (hopefully), sometimes through tantrums and tears. But one of the most wonderful and helpful lessons in character development is gratitude and contentment. Now that my children are older, they have even reminded me of my need to be content. Sometimes I get irritated when something happens that makes me late(traffic, etc.) My daughter often reminds me that God can be using that to protect us from a potentially dangerous situation. This helps me refocus and be grateful and content where I am. Contentment can be said to be “that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of the Spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.” (Jeremiah Burroughs). In other words, trusting God in his guidance of our lives, no matter what it seems like to us. It is an understanding that God knows and cares. Therefore, we can be at peace. We can be thankful. Our children will be disappointed by a lot of things in this world. Not getting the job they thought would be perfect. Or not getting into a sports or education program that they were praying about. This world has loads of reasons to be discontent. But teaching our children to trust God and focus on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise“, can alleviate the stress and anxiety they can feel when life throws them a curveball.

This will give them the peace and perseverance to live a life pleasing to God, fruitful in their actions, and fulfilling to their soul. And isn’t that what we desperately desire for our children?

With much love,
Bianca

*Note: The above is by no means an exhaustive list of godly traits and character. It is merely the tip of the iceberg. I also want to acknowledge that as parents and adults, we also need these reminders. We are to strive to be the examples of what we teach. So as we teach these lessons to our beloved kids, let us remember they are watching us as well. Let our actions speak louder than our words.