Dear Believer,

I am sure you have had experiences with some good friends and some that turned out to not be as good as you initially thought. Life experiences have shown most of us what we consider a good trait in a friend: Are they nice? Fun? Share common interests? But, have you ever considered the purpose of friendship? Our God is One of purpose and intention. And just like other things in life, He speaks about this in Scripture as well. We see many examples of beautiful and purposeful friendships in the Bible. One of which is of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was technically the rightful heir to the throne of Israel, being the son of Saul. But David, being the divinely appointed heir who would take the kingdom from Saul, was hated by him. Yet through this had formed a deep bond with his son. The book of Samuel describes it this way: “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. .. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt” (1 Sam.1:18). Jonathan was willing to give up his royal life and risked his own physical life for his friend David. The ultimate example of this is between the Lord Jesus and his disciples (John 1, 15). He called them friends. He served them, lived for them, and died for them. The Proverbs are full of wisdom and discernment on this topic as well. If you think about it, the entire Bible speaks of our relationship with God and with others. We were made for relationship. We were made in the image of God and He is relational. Not only does He pursue relationship with us, but God was in relationship from eternity past. Three in one- God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, the blessed Godhead in perfect unity (2 Cor. 13:14, John 14:16). He desires this for us as well.

This brings me to Purpose 1- Fellowship.

1. Fellowship

The word fellowship comes from the Greek word KOINONIA, which means to “hold something in common”. This word was used 20 times in the NT (Acts, John, Philippians). In Scripture, it describes a partnership with God and one another to accomplish God’s work and will through prayer and action. 

The early church in Acts, “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” (2:42) There is an absolute aim in mind. We are on the same team, listening to and obeying the same captain and striving to reach the same goal. The goal is to be like Christ. We get together to have the mind of Christ. 

“complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ….5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,” (Phil. 2:2,5)

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” (Rom. 8:28-29)

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father or our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom. 15:5-6)

So as we get together, let us work towards the goal.

One way to do this is by utilizing the second purpose, which is fueling.

2. Fueling

A conference I went to many years ago explained that we all need certain things, whether words or deeds, to fill up our “love tank”. And if these are withheld, our tank is empty and we don’t function as well as we could. As a preschool teacher, I would read a favorite book of my students with the same concept. Everyone has an invisible bucket that is meant to hold love and kindness. When we do these, we fill each other’s bucket. if we don’t, we walk around with an empty bucket. Just like a car with no gas doesn’t have the internal power to keep going unless it is fueled up, as humans, we can be running on fumes and eventually burn out. Although as Christians we have the power of the Holy Spirit internally fueling us, the Bible also reveals the need for external fueling. This comes in many forms. Listen to the variety of action verbs listed in the following verses. Scripture tells us to:

“Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thess. 5:11 )

“Bear with each other and forgive one another as the LORD forgave you” (Col. 3:13)

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Rom.12:10)

Spur one another on toward love and good deeds not giving up meeting together…but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching.(Heb. 10:24-25) *Paul spurred Eurodia and Syntyche to agree in the LORD and even recruited a “true partner” to help them as well, Phill.4

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

Jesus said, Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15: 12-13)

This does not just mean physical death, but putting aside what we want, or feels comfortable to us. Jesus died for his friends, but he also lived for his friends. 

And what is it to love as God loves? What is the God-kind of love? We of course need to look at 1 Cor. 13: 4-8

 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

This would fill and fuel anyone’s tank and bucket. True friendship fuels one another up. 

The last purpose of Biblical friendship is fine-tuning. 

3. Fine-tuning 

If we remember that our heavenly goal is to be Christ-like, this biblical purpose of friendship is one that is absolutely necessary, but one of the most delicate and sometimes difficult to execute. Fine-tuning involves using Scripture to help our friends grow in Christ by teaching, admonishing, and correcting. If you have had to give feedback, or even receive feedback, it is NOT fun. As a young, new teacher I received a lot of feedback. Not always positive. Not enjoyable. It was hard and it was humbling.  But as I grew in my profession I realized how valuable constructive criticism actually was.

The word of God is a double-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thought and intentions of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Tim 3:16)

 The proverbs tell us that as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another and that wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (Prov. 27:5-6, 17). How can this be? Just like a knife sharpener sharpens the blade of a dull knife to make the knife useful in its purpose, so we too, are to sharpen one another. Our purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. ..and we glorify God by conforming to the image of His son. Biblical friendship means encouraging, but also challenging each other. If there is any behavior that is not honoring the LORD in a brother or sister, the most loving thing to do is confront the misbehavior frankly and truthfully. 

Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Prov. 27:5-6 NKJV)

A true friend will not hold back the truth, but be honest when they see something tainting your walk with God, even when it hurts. We cannot be fully equipped if we’ve got a grievance or unforgiveness towards someone else. It gets in the way. Not only that, but it grows. Just like a weed that is not taken out from the roots, it will keep coming back and it will grow and grow. We cannot look the other way. Some of us have unforgiveness, others pride. Maybe grumbling or gossip.  We must help each other, catch it and deal with it in love. 

The Apostle Paul encouraged the Ephesian church to speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ. (Eph. 4:15) and that the aim of our charge be love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (1 Tim. 1:5)

David in the Psalms spoke of being on the other side of correction when he said, “Let the godly strike me! It will be a kindness! If they correct me, it is soothing medicine. Don’t let me refuse it.” (Psalm 141:5)

As we have seen through scripture, the purposes highlighted were fellowship, fueling, and fine-tuning, all towards the goal of being like Christ. My prayer is that this encourages us to work on establishing deeper, intentional friendships. Pray for discernment and wisdom when choosing friends.  Pray for the LORD to bring godly people into our lives.  Look for the fruit of the Spirit in the lives of those around us.  Search for those who are growing in their own personal walk with God. And most importantly, let’s pray to God for his transformative power to make us godly friends with one another. Let’s pray that God uses us, to fellowship, fuel, and fine-tune one another and fulfill these Biblical purposes of friendship. 

The Lord be with you,

Bianca